Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Jurassic Thanksgiving
For us Americans, it's Thanksgiving tomorrow, and we'll be sitting down to obscenely rich meals centered around huge lumps of protein called turkeys. It's always the same thing, year after year, so I thought I'd just come up with a fantasy alternative, what I'd be cooking for dinner if I had access to Mesozoic fauna. Here's what I think I'd roast up: Sinosauropteryx, a late Jurassic/early Cretaceous theropod.
Sinosauropteryx prima Ji and Ji. a, NIGP 127586, the counterpart of holotype (GMV 2123). b, Skeletal reconstruction of NIGP 127586. The integumentary structures are along the dorsal side and tail and dark pigmentation in the abdominal region might be some soft tissues of viscera.
It's birdlike, what with all those feathery things (that it has feathers seems to be Sinosauropteryx's major claim to fame), and it's about the right size. It's 3-4 feet long, but most of that is taken up with the tail. I think you could lop that off, and along with the neck, make a nice meaty gravy. Or just coil it around the roasted torso, as an interesting visual display. The drumsticks are going to be impressive; unfortunately, if you like the white meat, there isn't going to be much breast to go around, although there would be ribs instead.
And here's another great serving suggestion:
Body of NIGP 127587. a, Stomach contents are preserved within the rib cage, and include a small lizard and a pair of eggs. b, A close-up of the lizard skull. c, A close-up of a pair of the eggs.
Mmmm-mmmm. Lizard stuffing! With leathery eggs!
I'm also thinking it really ought to be served like Chinese duck, with the head still on, and maybe wrapped around and tucked under the forelimb. Imagine what a thrill Aunt Edna would get when she reaches for a "wing", and first sees that it has long claws, and then notices the fanged skull under it!
I'm getting hungry already.
Chen P-J, Dong Z-M, Zhen S-N (1998) An exceptionally well-preserved theropod dinosaur from the Yixian Formation of China. Nature 391:147-152.
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Comments:
"Carving the Sinosauropteryx" just doesn't have the same...fell... to it.
I mean, the carving knife is bigger than the whole animal, for Binky's sake.
and of course, the all important question is, will it taste just like chicken?
And just what would the proper hunting etiquette be for theropod? Knee britches and tweed, with a fitted European dreiling? Or would something more defensive be in order, in case other Mesozoic beasties were attracted to the scent of fresh kill, per OGeorge? Could you have a driven hunt, or would the beaters fall prey to intrigued raptors?
If raised in captivity, would we feed it road kill or would it require live chow, such as the occasional spotted owl?
What flora would be around for the veggie platters? (lumpy, I hope) Starches? Odd greens, perhaps with psycoactive defensive chemicals? Odd ovarian fruits?
You wouldn't have enough left for sandwiches/stir fry/whatever the next day! I suggest for a western family Christmas/thanksgiving you'd need at least four. Or a larger animal.
Perhaps the botanists could suggest some veg to go with it? Presumably, like most modern veg, they would need some artificial selection before they were fit for such a dinner, though.
Amen to artificial selection. Back in the day I took Kim William's class on edible wild plants and she would only let us use one wild component in our "final" recipe. "Most of them take some getting used to," she said. They served some green in Alingar Province that tasted exactly like the bottom of an ashtray smells. It didn't have any nicotin effects, but nasty, yech.
I wonder if any of the giant ferns associated with ancient flora would have been edible. Are there any edible modern ferns?
Hey, without large mammals to milk, how would we get a proper gravy?
These are smallish guys, so no fancy hunting etiquette is required -- think butchering chickens (and of course they'll taste like chicken! Doesn't everything?), not tracking down antelope.
How American all these complaints about serving size are. Don't you know eating to excess is bad for you? We're planning on having only a small boneless turkey breast tomorrow, with plenty of breads and veggies and sweet potatoes and pies and lefse and cider and an after-dinner glass of wine, for just the immediate family, and a little guy that only weighs a few pounds would be perfect for us. I suppose that if we were having a big get-together, I could grab a deer rifle and bag a 70 lb. Psittacosaurus instead.
Are all you people stopping by tomorrow? Should I start a bigger 'saur roasting right away, and pick up a couple of extra pies?
Hmmm. Maybe I could stuff the Sinosauropteryx with lizards, and the Psittacosaurus with some stuffed Sinosauropteryx. I'll have to save that recipe for the grand feast at the prehistoric palace.
Hmmm. Maybe I could stuff the Sinosauropteryx with lizards, and the Psittacosaurus with some stuffed Sinosauropteryx. I’ll have to save that recipe for the grand feast at the prehistoric palace.
Mmmmm.... Psittacosinosauruzard.
You're obviously a dark meat man, PZ, otherwise you'd be thinking Pteranodon. But I do have to salute you for neatly sidestepping the whole brontoburger/apatoburger issue. Personally, I'm thinking more along the lines of a Devonian feast: Mucrospirifer chowder with deep-fried Cornuproeus on the side. Assuming I could find some deep-frying oil somewhere. No seed plants, doncha know.
Now if I could only remember the title of that Asimov short story... someone here will know, I'm sure.
"The Sound of Thunder"?
“The Sound of Thunder”?
That's a good story, but it's by Bradbury. I'm thinking of the piece that involved time travel, dinos, and a willdly successful fast-food chain.
Speaking of chicken, the best steak I ever had was Punjabi water buffalo. Also, Dr. M, fruit monkey tastes more like elk. CC/PZ tip o' the brim to your off-hand knowledge of 'saurs. Must cross-reference. Anway, a Rockwellian holiday to you all. Can't wait to smell the creosote.
PZ Myers wrote: "...pick up a couple of extra pies...
You don't make your own pies? You... buy pie? HERETIC! HERETIC! HERETIC!
Btw, the Asimov short is A Statue for Father and I also thought of it on reading this entry.
How about Apatosaurus? I pick this one so everyone can complain about having to eat left overs like "Brontosaurus" sandwiches for the next few years.
(I actually like turkey sandwiches and could never understand why millions whine about a few days of turkey sandwiches....)
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Well, my lab colleague prefers going even further back in time - giant lobsters, giant shrimp, giant oysters, trilobites....
I'd rather fry an Ichtyosaur....
Cooking lizards.
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If you had access to Mesozoic (or most of Cenozoic) fauna PZ, who would be consuming whom(?) would still be up in the air...or not...so to speak. Have a great Thanksgiving.