Alright, people, I'm gonna get tough. You know what I want, and you'd better give it to me.

I've got a bible here, and a 44oz. Diet Coke…lots of liquid containing a diuretic, to boot. In about an hour, I figure my bladder is going to be pretty full. You know what could happen.

I don't need information from you, and I sure don't want your money. This is a weblog, and the currency here in these parts is the link, the trackback, the comment. Fork 'em over, or I'm taking this Bible down the hall. You know I'd do it. I'm a godless atheist—I don't think your Bible means doodley-squat.

Intimidated yet?

I've also got some razor blades here. I don't have to do it all at once—I could slice out bits piecemeal and prolong the agony. I don't care for Genesis in particular, and Revelation is just crazy. Maybe I'll start with those.

But hey, maybe it'll hurt you more if I soak Psalms or the Sermon on the Mount with my heretical urine. Decisions, decisions. Shall I surprise you?

Come to think of it, I feel the need to go right now. Maybe I'll take this book with me to the bathroom to read. Yeah, that's it. I sure hope I don't have an "accident" in there!

I'm going to check back in an hour. There better be some good linkage goin' on here, or I might just let a drop fall on "Jesus wept." You heard me. Get going. Type.

Update: I don't think you people care enough. A few comments, a few trackbacks, and I don't think most of the people doing it are particularly devout. I'm going to hold off a little longer, but I'm going to stash the Bible in the bathroom in case the whim strikes me in the middle of the night.

And I had another thought…if my sacrilegious urine is not scary enough, there's a cat box downstairs. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

It's Day 2 of the Bible Hostage Watch. It's the Sabbath, and I've just put a big pot of coffee on.

I want you all to know I've got the Bible sandwiched between a copy of Jacoby's Freethinkers and Darwin's Origin. I'm waiting for the Stockholm Effect to kick in.