Pharyngula::Link to me, or the Bible gets it!

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Saturday, June 04, 2005

Link to me, or the Bible gets it!

PZ Myers • 145 Comments (last page)

Alright, people, I'm gonna get tough. You know what I want, and you'd better give it to me.

I've got a bible here, and a 44oz. Diet Coke…lots of liquid containing a diuretic, to boot. In about an hour, I figure my bladder is going to be pretty full. You know what could happen.

I don't need information from you, and I sure don't want your money. This is a weblog, and the currency here in these parts is the link, the trackback, the comment. Fork 'em over, or I'm taking this Bible down the hall. You know I'd do it. I'm a godless atheist—I don't think your Bible means doodley-squat.

Intimidated yet?

I've also got some razor blades here. I don't have to do it all at once—I could slice out bits piecemeal and prolong the agony. I don't care for Genesis in particular, and Revelation is just crazy. Maybe I'll start with those.

But hey, maybe it'll hurt you more if I soak Psalms or the Sermon on the Mount with my heretical urine. Decisions, decisions. Shall I surprise you?

Come to think of it, I feel the need to go right now. Maybe I'll take this book with me to the bathroom to read. Yeah, that's it. I sure hope I don't have an "accident" in there!

I'm going to check back in an hour. There better be some good linkage goin' on here, or I might just let a drop fall on "Jesus wept." You heard me. Get going. Type.

Update: I don't think you people care enough. A few comments, a few trackbacks, and I don't think most of the people doing it are particularly devout. I'm going to hold off a little longer, but I'm going to stash the Bible in the bathroom in case the whim strikes me in the middle of the night.

And I had another thought…if my sacrilegious urine is not scary enough, there's a cat box downstairs. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

It's Day 2 of the Bible Hostage Watch. It's the Sabbath, and I've just put a big pot of coffee on.

I want you all to know I've got the Bible sandwiched between a copy of Jacoby's Freethinkers and Darwin's Origin. I'm waiting for the Stockholm Effect to kick in.

Trackback url: http://pharyngula.org/index/trackback/2380/WqE39eae/

Comments:

#27292: Lauren — 06/04 at 10:41 PM
When I was a wee babe and attended church camp, one of our yearly traditions was to smoke pot out of a page of the Bible. Let me tell you, those pages might make good toilet paper, but they're horrible rolling papers.

I can tell you today: I am no longer a Christian and I no longer smoke pot. These things are probably unrelated.

#27293: Lauren — 06/04 at 10:42 PM
And of course I say that right after Ernst attests to their efficiency as rolling papers.

Maybe I just roll piss poor joints.

#27294: — 06/04 at 10:43 PM
PZ, not nice. Some 50,000 monkeys worked infinitely to come up with that book. Or was it Shakespeare's Canon?

#27297: Dr Pretorius — 06/04 at 10:54 PM
Just so you know, PZ, I'm not linking to you. And I'm not linking to you on purpose.

Do your worst!

(No, really - I mean it. That damn book has had it coming for ages.)

#27299: — 06/04 at 11:29 PM
Now I get it. You people aren't atheists. You're pagan druids worshiping fish eggs. How could you do this to your parents, to your country, to your president? For God's sake, George W. Bush is going through hell right now to save this great nation from terrorist hordes, and you have the nerve to hold up the BIBLE to ridicule. Plagues of locusts and herpes and bad caviar will shortly infest your loathsome unbelieving shorts, reducing your privates to pale, shriveled shadows of their former tiny selves. Have you no sense of decency? Don't you get it? Pissing on the Good Book will doom you for far longer than you might imagine. So repent! Take back your foul threats! Turn away from your vitriol and cult-like fish egg worshiping pagan tripe and learn to find salvation in the truth of born-againness. And do it soon, before that avenging angel James Dobson turns his bright eye toward your ignorance. Amen! Amen! Amen!

#27300: Chris Clarke — 06/04 at 11:37 PM
Mmmmmm fish eggs.

"I do not think we should antagonize the religious when it is not warranted, though I think we should be willing to do so whenever it is.”
-- Glen Davidson

#27301: — 06/04 at 11:38 PM
A Unitarian joke: Bible study will be held in the basement. Bring your own Bible and a pair of scissors.

It's said that Jefferson edited his own Bible using scissors, retaining most or all of the words of Jesus; of his followers, not so much.

#27302: — 06/04 at 11:41 PM
For God's sake PZ! Don't do it! Diet Coke will rot your teeth!

#27303: — 06/04 at 11:41 PM
Mmmmmmmmmmm herpes.

#27304: judgeMC — 06/04 at 11:43 PM
since I'm a woman how will you be able to tell if my privates are shriveled or I'm just getting old?

#27305: — 06/04 at 11:50 PM
This is kind of scary in the way that threatening to pull the head off a little kid's favourite teddy bear is scary. Sure, the teddy bear isn't going to feel anything, but when you see the expression on the little kid's face, it's heartbreaking. While I'm sure that there is no one in America who isn't mature enough to handle a little bible peeing, I'm worried that bible peeing may result in people using the same tactic to cause suffering in people in other countries. It's only fair. You have to wait for people to go through both the reformation and the enlightenment before you go peeing on their holy books. Indeed, in the future we'll probably all piss on each other's holy books and laugh and laugh. Until then however, peeing on holy books is like kicking a rotweiler in the balls. Amusing in the short term, but it'll come back to bite you.

#27306: — 06/04 at 11:53 PM
Jester, it's called pubmed. http://www.ncbi.nih.nlm.gov You can find plenty of papers by PZ. In journals people have heard of, none of this Rivista stuff.

Another note for the comments, no one has even discussed that the urine that spalshed on the koran also "splashed" on a prisoner. And this is still not a big deal to some.

#27307: — 06/04 at 11:54 PM
Dear Ms. judgeMC -

That's an interesting question. I'd suggest checking yourself for locusts. If you find more than 2 or 3 down there, it's a dead giveaway that you've been plagued.

#27308: — 06/05 at 12:04 AM
A couple of decades ago my roommates and I were sitting in the living room, reading the books we'd just gotten from our favorite used-book store. One of them remarked, "Somebody came in this book!"

I looked over. She was reading a book on incest. I said something like, "No kidding."

She insisted "Somebody came in this book!" and held it up for my inspection. There was a perfectly circular white stain, 8-10 cm in diameter. "Somebody set a drink on it," I scoffed.

#27309: pough — 06/05 at 12:06 AM
"We men just can't seem to hit the toilet."

We are men. The World is our toilet.

#27310: — 06/05 at 12:15 AM
I can tell you today: I am no longer a Christian and I no longer smoke pot. These things are probably unrelated.

They have to be related because they're both in the same sentence.

Here's a quote from a scientist: "By an inductive argument, when we find such sophisticated machinery in other places too, we can conclude that it also requires design."

See, it's an inductive argument thingy.

#27311: — 06/05 at 12:19 AM
Haha!

#27313: — 06/05 at 12:30 AM
Diet Coke? What? Diet Coke urine? PZ, what did you expect? No street hardened creationist will take your menace seriously. They can see that you are a pallid liberal with flaccid urinary bladder muscles. They know Norwegians are very nice people, they dont piss on other people's Bibles.

That is, while sober.

Now, PZ, put on the table one (no, two, three) of those oversized Norwegian Draught Pilsen glasses and a bottle of that famous Trondheim home brewed 90+% alcohol. Now, you are not only absolutely credible, but also your piss will be substancial. Acidic. Corrosive. Indelible.

I expect your site to be flooded by ID links as Noah's Ark was by 40 days of rain.

Quod natura non sunt turpia

#27314: judgeMC — 06/05 at 12:33 AM
locusts?!? So, that's what that buzzing sound is! I thought I had an alarm clock in my panties.

#27318: — 06/05 at 02:00 AM
No! Not the books - be reasonable. Go for the kids or kittens instead.

#27320: — 06/05 at 02:12 AM
I already had a link to you. I also already had an entry on this topic (and funnily enough also about catching MRSA from Bibles). I chose this site as my example of extreme spin in one direction because of it putting the claim about a "pattern of respectful handling" at the top and relegated the incidents to a rare minority.

On the other hand, I'm not particularly bothered what you do with that Bible (other than not reading from in science classes say) if it's an ordinary copy. However, if it happened to be the only edition remaining of a particularly revealing translation then it would be a shame to deprive historians.

#27321: Alon Levy — 06/05 at 02:48 AM
CK: I get a 404 error when I try your link. I do remember seeing a list of publications by PZ: I once stumbled upon a website, which I can't find anymore, that listed 16 publications from 1990 to 2003.

PZ: I can't link to you because I have no blogs and only post comments here and on blogs that already link to you (except BotanicalGirl, whose readers presumably know who you are). However, is there anything you want me to do that will make you spit on the bible the way I did on mine before you proceed to the heavier stuff?

Hank: I personally don't see what the fuss is all about concerning the flushing of the Qur'an. When Abu-Gharib broke out, there was grounds for riots. It's disgusting that Muslims rioted when they found out the Koran was flushed but not when they found out human beings were tortured.

#27323: — 06/05 at 02:57 AM
I thought this was a squid-worshipping site, not a fish-egg worshipping place. May your roe be painfully inconvenienced, heretics!

...mostly harmless.[color=blue]

#27325: — 06/05 at 03:15 AM
Alon,

A copy of their book is more important than human life. That does not bode well for the rest of us.

However, Wikipedia has this entry:

In July the crusaders captured the small village of Servian and headed for Béziers, arriving on July 21. They surrounded the town and demanded the Catharists be handed over; the demand was refused. The town fell the following day, an abortive sortie was pursued back into the town and the population was slaughtered. According to Caesar of Heisterbach the papal representative, Abbot Arnaud-Amaury, declared "Caedite eos! Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius" — Latin for "Slay them all! God will know his own." Béziers is believed to have held no more than 500 Cathars, but over 10,000 citizens were killed. The news of the horror at Béziers quickly spread and many settlements were cowed.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albigensian_crusade

Quo vadis?

Pericles

#27326: Alon Levy — 06/05 at 03:20 AM
It's not as if I think there's any difference between different kinds of fanatics. Muslims who kill women for dressing too provocatively, Christians who bomb abortion clincs, Hindus who burn Muslim neighborhoods, SA members, communists who cause chaos to hasten the revolution - they are all the same to me.

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Saturday, June 04, 2005

Link to me, or the Bible gets it!

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