Pharyngula::Modern diseases

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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Modern diseases

PZ Myers • 9 Comments

Skot at Izzle Pfaff made me laugh out loud at his morbid predictions of new, trendy ways to die. I liked this one best: dying of New Age.

This one is a real comer, and will supplant the longtime champion "old age." Hippies, vegans and other societal punchlines will soon start to succumb to such hilarious mistakes as Tinctures of Potassium Cyanide, uric acid poisoning, and Chronic Meat Deprivation. Worse will be when the Crystalline Entity shows up again and takes over their quartz necklaces. Will these people never learn from the lessons of Star Trek: The Next Generation? Predicted victim: Shirley MacLaine. Unfortunately, only Woody Harrelson will notice.

At least that's one horrible disease from which I feel safe (written as I sit here feeling the initial shaky probings of what is probably the flu coming on. Diseases I can laugh off are appealing right now.)

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Comments:

#16725: — 02/23 at 01:36 PM
The colloidal silver believers occasionally overdo it. Lethal overdoses have happened, and a sub-lethal dose will permanently dye the skin grayish. Beware the greys!

#16742: Philip Brooks — 02/23 at 02:30 PM
It sounds funny at first, but the tragedy is some folks really do die of new age.

#16768: Wayne — 02/23 at 03:43 PM
I recall a recommendation for coffee enemas some time back. Sounds like a cheap ticket out.

Flu. You didn't wash your hands after grading those bad exams did you?

#16869: — 02/23 at 09:17 PM
Yeeg. (You're not wearing gloves while checking those puke & snot-infested things?)

#16906: — 02/24 at 02:35 AM
"Death by cougar" is the new-age thing to do in California. Its Minnesota equivalent must be "Hunted down and consumed by (Protected) Wolves".

#16971: Trish Wilson — 02/24 at 10:59 AM
Oh, this is funny. I've helped prevent a vegan friend from dying of New Age when I got her hooked on bacon. Her gastro-intestinal tract has never been the same since.

I'm in no danger of dying of Chronic Meat Deprivation. Just the opposite, actually. Cows are my friends.

#17015: — 02/24 at 02:06 PM
jaimito --

those particular newage deaths would be hard to pull off. There have been exactly 3 human "death by cougar" events in California since 1910.

see <http://tchester.org/sgm/lists/lion_attacks_ca.html>
or <http://users.frii.com/mytymyk/lions/attacks.htm>
(not entirely independent sources)

And there are no --that's right, zero -- cases where a wolf in the western hemisphere has killed a human. Not after Europeans moved in and started keeping records. And not in any pre-European folk tales.
American wolves simply do not hunt, attack, kill, or eat people.

Leave the Siberian fairy tales where they belong: Siberia.

#17109: Bryson Brown — 02/25 at 10:01 AM
Steff Z: I know of one case where wolves in Haliburton, Ontario killed a young woman who was studying them. The wolves were semi-wild, kept in a very large enclosure. A cousin of mine was in charge of the place at the time. As I understand it, the wolves were very territorial and a bit twitchy, and just took offense at her intrusion into their space. Wolves normally don't pose a threat to humans. But weird (and unhappy) things happen-- especially when you're dealing with animals as large, strong, and toothy as wolves...

#17140: — 02/25 at 03:39 PM
No wolves, no cougars, what is left for obsolete new-agers? CVA? Alzheimer? How old-age!

Quod natura non sunt turpia

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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Modern diseases

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