Pharyngula

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

This might be a spoof, but the "KANSAS CITY, KS" source is credible and gives me cause to think it might be genuine.

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."

It's uncanny how closely they've cribbed from the Intelligent Design creationism movement…you'd almost think it was by design.


Trackback url: http://pharyngula.org/index/trackback/2748/Eg8Lestv/

Comments:
#36041: — 08/16  at  06:10 PM
As a proponent of IF, let me just say that, contrary to the implications of the article, the Intelligent Force stipulated by IF Theory is not necessarily God. In fact, the observed irreducible gravitational complexity is consistent with the mysterious workings of any omnipotent bearded Caucasian entity.



#36042: — 08/16  at  06:21 PM
Everyone knows that the universe was created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. What everyone fails to realize is that FSM is not the only God. The Falling Buttered Bread Monster is the holy, divine creator of what the jam using infidels call "gravity". Why do you think it is that buttered toast and bread always falls butter side down, eh!?



#36043: — 08/16  at  06:24 PM
Substitute "gravity" with "evolution, and "intelligent falling" with "intelligent design" and it is precisely what the creationists would say, to the word.

I think it is a spoof, but its entertaining.

-----
"As with all of ID, the important thing is first to have the concept. Production can then follow as a matter of course.” -Dembski



#36044: — 08/16  at  06:36 PM
Am I mistaken, or does the picture show John Sulston of the Sanger Centre and Mike Dexter, head of the Wellcome Trust?

A little searching and voila!

http://212.58.226.40/1/hi/sci/tech/806704.stm

I wonder how they feel about being outed as Intelligent Falling proponents?



#36045: QrazyQat — 08/16  at  06:42 PM
I think Fudd's First Law pretty much said it all.



#36048: — 08/16  at  06:48 PM
Alas the Faithful have been deceived and misled by heretics.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Falling Buttered Bread Monster are lesser beings compared to the Divine Trinity of the Holy Cutlery.

Repent infidels and despair, for they are coming.
When they come unbelievers, heretics and infidels shall be knifed and forked while the faithful shall be spooned.



#36049: — 08/16  at  06:50 PM
Source is the (humorous) Onion.
http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133&n=2

BUT
Here in Finland "Creation or Evolution" "lecture" or sermon was held by creationist Richard Halversen 14 March 2001 at university of Tampere.

Richard Halversen was visiting priest or minister of Adventist Church. He was mainly speaking against evolution
but the most peculiar part was this:

According to Halversen Newton abandoned/refuted God in his gravitation theory. It seems Halversen considered laws of physics as blasphemy.
Halversen told story of boy, who played ball with God. Ball drops down to earth every time after boy tossed it up. So God tosses it down.



#36050: Josh — 08/16  at  06:57 PM
I was there first! I don't know how to feel about scooping the Onion, or about their horrific theft of my intellectual property. Any lawyers care to help me defend my theory?

All we know is that there must be a Pusher. IF doesn't require that the Pusher be caucasian, after all, we know Jesus was black.



#36051: — 08/16  at  07:02 PM
Wait a god-fearing second, PZ! That comes straight out of my post this morning and I'll quote myself -
Hey, I have an idea. Let's not take this "law of gravity" too seriously. Things can fall to the ground because god wants it that way. That's a competing idea and deserves to be discussed. After all, did even the great Isaac Newton say that this is a LAW OF NATURE that no one can challenge? I'm not a biographer of Newton, but I have a feeling he didn't.


Anyway, it's a much better parody than I have time, energy or imagination for!



#36052: Ophelia Benson — 08/16  at  07:12 PM
Well duh. Obviously gravity is just one of those stupid secular ideas that don't make any sense, just like radio waves and electricity and inertia and centifragal - centerfruggal - centriffigal - that force that's supposed to make things orbit things. Please. Duh. God is making all the things go around all the other things - obviously. Just like he pushes the water up the pipe when you turn the faucet on, and he pushes the light beams into the lightbulb when you turn the light on, and he throws all the little dust motes in the air whenever you pick up a T shirt that's been lying around for awhile. He makes the cat to sneeze and the fly to buzz, the dog to bark and the worm to hump. He paints all the leaves green, every single one, and he puts all the hairs in your head - and yours, and yours, and yours - one at a time. He pushes up each blade of grass - and each dandelion and each thistle and each horsetail, which I kind of wish he wouldn't, but still, it's a miracle.

Talk about Intelligent!



#36053: jay denari — 08/16  at  07:26 PM
It seems there's another "discoverer" of this theory. If it passes muster, it'll have one of those long hyphenated names



#36054: — 08/16  at  07:34 PM
Don't forget Turkish Muslim creationist nut Harun Yahya who wrote a bunch of stuff about how reality is an illusion and managed to cite the "Matrix" movies as sources. How that isn't heretical is beyond me!



's avatar #36056: PZ Myers — 08/16  at  07:38 PM
I thought that guy looked familiar. John Sulston by day, the Rev. Gabriel Burdett by night, huh?

PZ Myers
Division of Science and Math
University of Minnesota, Morris



#36057: beche-la-mer — 08/16  at  07:43 PM
You unenlightened meatballs need to understand that gravity is a direct result of the Flying Spaghetti Monster stirring the great cosmic pot of pasta. The stirring is what causes the earth, solar system and galaxy to spin and what we experience as gravity is just centrifugal forces making the chunks stick together.



#36058: — 08/16  at  07:47 PM
beche-la-mer, I thought it was heavenly spaghetti sauce that makes the chunks stick together?



#36059: — 08/16  at  07:56 PM
No it is not the Flying Spagehti monster who does the stiring.
This is simple heresy designed to lead the faithfull and innocent astray.

It is the Almighty Chef who causes the World to spin and for clumps to sitck together.
For if she'd used differnet ingredients then everything would have turned into a runny mess with no consistency to hold everything together.

Least we forget the tools of the Great Chef, the Angelic Cutlery with which all is mixed and blended.

Hallowed is the chef



#36062: — 08/16  at  08:20 PM
I think Darkling is a tool of the evil cult known as Atkins. Why else would Darkling try to lead us away from the glorious salvation that is Spaghetti and Meatballs.



#36064: — 08/16  at  08:31 PM
EVIL? You dare to call a follower of the Great Chef evil? Alas it is not I that has been decieved by the fallen ones. They falsely beliveed themselves to be the pinnacle of her Creation, while ignoring other fruits of her endeavours, which were sweet to her tooth, and pleasing to her eye.

Atkins is an evil cult, they are heretics and blasphemers that need to be stamped out for they have perverted the Great One's works! There evil knows no bounds for they ignore parts of the holy sacrament.

Oh dear, my submission word is fitness.
Prophetic?



#36065: Eric — 08/16  at  08:34 PM
Oddly enough I wrote almost the same thing as a spoof about a month ago on my blog. If this is real, it proves that truth is in fact stranger than fiction.



#36066: Jamie — 08/16  at  08:40 PM
Atkins is not a cult. The holy pasta and the holy sauce are a trinity. They're different, the father Great Chef, the Holy Son Carb and the Holy Ghost lycopene, but the same. Brush up on your holy maths, fellas, and let's all pray together and become fat happy Italians by partaking of the holy flesh of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.



#36067: — 08/16  at  08:53 PM
Jamie is obviously one of those buffet believers who feel that they can pick and choose what they want to believe. This will only be solved by Holy War a food fight!



#36068: Jamie — 08/16  at  09:03 PM
Devout FSM-ite:

The Central Dogma clearly states that the FSM is must be "all things to all people!" Stop your narrow rail of fundamentalism! You're one step away from pastafarian jihad! Lo, verily I speak unto thee, even the slothfull reprobates who partake of the canned nitrates shall enter the kingdom of enriched wheat flour! Blessed is the least of cooks who use the jar of Ragu, for the lazy sloths shall inherit the Earth!



#36069: — 08/16  at  09:10 PM
Yes, FSM must be "all things to all people" however, you have left the pale of FSMism! FSM cannot be all things to all people if you reject everything else in FSMism! Next thing you know, you will be telling us that Linguine is also divine!



#36070: beche-la-mer — 08/16  at  09:11 PM
I'm beginning to be sorry I spoke up for my faith and started this food fight. Everyone should calm down, take a deep breath and pray for a personal revelation from the one true god -- the FSM. Consider His divine Word: there is all the evidence you need.



#36071: Jamie — 08/16  at  09:21 PM
Devout FSM-ite, you are pushing a great unholy schism in the church here! All pastas are created equal. Different shapes, but same fiber-deficient bleached flour! This is your last warning - keep it up and the Holy Church of the FSM splits. All hail the spinach rotini! Higher in fiber! 95 feces will be nailed on the door of your temple!



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