Pharyngula::The Calamari Wrestler

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Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Calamari Wrestler

PZ Myers • 23 Comments

I have seen The Calamari Wrestler. It was…indescribable. I won't even try. The basic idea, though, is that it's about pro wrestling in Japan, with a dying wrestler who undergoes a magical transformation in Pakistan to keep him alive, which also allows him to become a super-star in the ring. He battles rivals to learn a heartwarming secret at the end.

I've put a few frames below the fold. Don't try to view them as a narrative; this is a surreal movie about wrestling invertebrates.

Calamari Wrestler: Joint locks don't work on an invertebrate! He's too slippery!

I learned many new things from this movie. I'll keep this in mind next time I wrestle an invertebrate.

Calamari Wrestler: It's a preconception by mediocre minds that squids can only live in water.

I was wondering how a marine invertebrate was getting around so well in a wrestling ring.

Calamari Wrestler: I want to become a squid again

There was a tragic moment. It turns out that if the squid has sex with a human and experiences true desire, it turns back into a human. (I think I saw this plotline on Buffy, once.) As you can see, he wants to turn back. Who can blame him?

Calamari Wrestler:: Oh God, please turn Kan-ichi into a squid again.

Interestingly, his girlfriend was even more desperate to have him turn back. I'm afraid the movie was very vague on the bedroom details.

Calamari Wrestler: Not the squid, it's the sweaty monks that came with him!

He is restored to his squidly form with the aid of some monks and the Ritual of 365 Points. Afterwards, his locker room smells very bad, but don't blame the squid.

Calamari Wrestler: A Calamari and Octopus double-decker. What a gourmet seafood special!

The Calamari Wrestler has to fight an octopus.

Calamari Wrestler: The strongest fighter in the world is me, the Squilla Boxer!

And a crustacean, the Squilla.

Calamari Wrestler: A refreshing drink for the luscious cephalopod!

Victory means promotional work and Japanese cheesecake.

Calamari Wrestler: Does an octopus have a medulla oblongata?

All I've got to say is that if they make a sequel, they need to take me on as a consultant. The answer to the question is "no".

If anyone knows the details of the Ritual of 365 Points, please do send it on to me.

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Comments:

#51616: — 12/01 at 11:27 PM
If anyone knows the details of the Ritual of 365 Points, please do send it on to me.

No, no, PZ, you'll have to live in a tank and your daughter will be embarrassed by you.

#51617: — 12/01 at 11:27 PM
holy cow, PZ, where the $#!* did you find this?

#51618: Squidblog — 12/01 at 11:29 PM
I've been trying to acquire a copy of this film since I first heard about it earlier this year. Any clues as to how to get it?

As far as being a consultant on the sequel, let's hope Steve O'Shea is also up to the job.

#51620: Gavin M. — 12/01 at 11:37 PM
Oh my God, Squilla sp....

Those are 'spearers,' though. For boxing, you want a 'smasher' like Hemisquilla ensigera.

There's also this, btw:
http://www.blueboard.com/mantis/fiction/crust.htm

#51622: — 12/01 at 11:41 PM
So where the hell was Gojira?

...mostly harmless.[color=blue]

#51623: — 12/01 at 11:55 PM
More on "Crust" at http://www.stablehouse.co.uk/crust.htm

Seems much more 'realistic'. Realistic the same way ID is 'scientific'.

Squids are pretty neat, but I prefer mantis shrimp.

#51625: coturnix — 12/02 at 12:52 AM
I will HAVE to see this!

#51629: — 12/02 at 03:05 AM
Daaaayum... I have to find this.

Whatever they smoke in Japan, I'm not sure if I want some or not...

#51632: Cyde Weys — 12/02 at 03:34 AM
PZ, I'm beginning to think you have ... unnatural relations with squid.

#51635: — 12/02 at 05:08 AM
Come on, PZ, you can't pique our interest like this then leave us hanging. How do we get hold of a copy?

#51637: Scooter — 12/02 at 06:10 AM
Available via Netflix for those that are interested.

#51638: Republic of Palau — 12/02 at 06:37 AM
I blogged it a few weeks ago... yet to watch the movie though. The stills are enough squid-fodder for now.

#51639: PZ Myers — 12/02 at 06:52 AM
I got my copy from Bayesian Bouffant, but it's also available on Amazon.

It actually reminded me of a Troma film, only without any of the gore or gratuitous breasts.

PZ Myers
Division of Science and Math
University of Minnesota, Morris

#51642: Orac — 12/02 at 07:24 AM
Asian films beat American films for bizarreness hands down...

--
Orac “A statement of fact cannot be insolent.”
http://oracknows.blogspot.com

#51643: coturnix — 12/02 at 07:37 AM
My brother who loves Japanese cult films (OK, he can also understand the language, having spent a year there) has a DVD and will make me a copy. He also says that the same director has a new movie out: Koala Executive

#51653: Rick @ shrimp and grits — 12/02 at 08:35 AM
This is more proof (as if more proof were needed) that it is simply impossible to out-weird the Japanese.

Can't be done.

Now back to my game of Silhouette Mirage ...

#51659: — 12/02 at 08:56 AM
Why am I thinking of the early episodes on http://www.ghastlycomic.com/ ?

#51663: — 12/02 at 09:10 AM

Oh God, please turn Kan-Ichi into a squid again.

The bizarre part is that she was saying this in a Buddhist monastery.

BTW, If you were trying to follow the sound track, "Ika" (ee - kuh) is squid, and "Tako" (tah-ko) is octopus. That about exhasts my knowledge of Japanese. I will leave it for someone else to formulate a joke about a tako taco.

#51690: — 12/02 at 11:10 AM
Be warned: joint locks only don't work on a squid because he hasn't got any joints. If you were wrestling another sort of invertebrate - say, to keep with the Japanese food theme, a giant spider crab - I feel sure that joint locks would be a useful tactic. NB: but don't try to use a neck hold. Spider crabs don't have necks.

You should start using the "it's a preconception by mediocre minds that..." form when addressing students.

#51702: grika — 12/02 at 11:51 AM
I think the "365 Points" relate to astrology-based acupuncture.

There are twelve meridians that relate to twelve body organs, and there are 365 points where chi comes to the surface and may be controlled.

This is a decent article on the differences between astrology-based and science-based acupunture:
http://www.acsh.org/healthissues/newsID.772/healthissue_detail.asp

#51763: — 12/02 at 04:42 PM
I can't wait to see Executive Koala!

#51784: — 12/02 at 07:19 PM
Classic AND weird! I found it last week at Hollywood Video, so it's out there in the mainstream. It's not only good squid stuff, but the pro-wrestling side is a pretty accurate characiture of current (and historic) Japanese puroresu.

#51861: — 12/03 at 01:52 PM
"a tako taco."

That must be one ika ("ee-kuh") meal?! Unlesss you are PZ, of course, who likes calamari however served.

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Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Calamari Wrestler

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