Whoa. This article, Science Wars, that I found via Chris Mooney, has got to be one of the funniest things I've read in a while...and it's not satire. The guy, Lowell Ponte, means this stuff. There's a lot of the usual crap where he rambles and rants about all the left-wing socialist/communists who run science, but that's just tiresome, and Mooney already caught the amazing quote in which he calls George W. Bush a "genuine scientist", unlike all those, you know, scientists. I'll just mention a few small things that jumped out at me. Trust me, though, it's a rich article full of knee-slappers.

Science, for example, once appeared to be the pure pursuit of truth and knowledge by priest-like men and women dressed in white garments.

Yep, that's me. And Science is actually Mormon heaven.

One familiar name among the signers of this political attack is Paul Ehrlich of Stanford University. In his field of expertise Ehrlich is a giant. His expertise, like that of the late Harvard neo-Marxist Stephen Jay Gould, is as the world’s leading biological authority on certain species of bugs.

But..."bugs"? Ehrlich's specialty is population dynamics of butterflies. And Gould's research specialty was snails. "Bugs"? Does Lowell really want to reveal how stupid he is about biology in this way? And his point is just ridiculous—that because these scientists study small things that he, in his ignorance, belittles, they are not competent to discuss bigger issues. Somebody find me an elephant biologist, they're the only ones that count.

The Union of Concerned Scientists, a Leftist advocacy group, does not like sexual abstinence.

I can't say that I do, either. I had no idea that the Right found such joy in it, but I will cheerfully encourage them to practice it more.

But UCS Leftists hate guns in citizen hands.

Umm, wait a minute. This right-winger is ranting about abstinence and wants us all to love guns...where have I heard this before?

Oh, of course...suddenly the far right wing of the Republican party makes sense. Like their hero, Ronald Reagan, they think we're all in a movie, and in this case that movie is Zardoz.

THE GUN IS GOOD! THE PENIS IS EVIL! THE PENIS SHOOTS SEEDS TO PRODUCE THE HATED HUMANS! WHILE THE GUN SHOOTS DEATH TO CLEANSE THE EARTH!

Here's how our right-wing heroes see themselves, as Sean Connery in a g-string with a gun and a scary mask.

And see, leftists are all ineffectual hippies who wear funny clothes and wander around like zombies. Gay zombies.

I'm sure they're looking forward to the part in the Republican takeover where they shoot all the hippies, but where is the part where Charlotte Rampling is supposed to take off her clothes? That's the best part of the whole show!

At least Ponte does irony well, even if he doesn't realize it.

Sigmund Freud first coined the psychoanalytic term “projection” to describe those who accuse others of what they themselves do. A thief, for example, will tend to see others around him as thieves. And so it was that these two politicized groups accused President Bush of injecting “politics” into American science.

Well. Lowell Ponte accuses scientists of being a mindless gang attempting to monopolize scientific thought by imposing a political straightjacket on it. Then he brings up "projection".