PZ Myers. 2004 Sep 22. Fashion crimes. <http://pharyngula.org/index/weblog/fashion_crimes/>. Accessed 2008 Dec 01.
Posted on M00o93H7pQ09L8X1t49cHY01Z5j4TT91fGfr on Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Fashion crimes
Ow. This critique of academic fashion, Why we look so bad, hurts because at least in my case, it is so true.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that an academic, even one given a clothing allowance, will dress like a schlemiel. Historically, academics have been the subject of both high and low humor. From the sixth century onward, how we look has prompted nearly automatic laughter from onlookers, even if the onlookers were dressed in twigs and had painted their faces blue. Why are we, as a group, so sartorially impoverished that we make other professionals, even those in the actuarial or previously owned vehicle sales forces, look good? (Just to make sure we're all clear about this one point: I include myself in this group. And I am including you, dear reader. Trust me on this one–the following observations are not about other people.)
Look at us. Glance around a room at a professional meeting: we look like refugees. And not refugees from an interesting culture. Refugees from Scarsdale in 1983 or from Boise in 1994. Many academics, who possess the bewildering self-satisfaction of the entirely self-absorbed, will not accept the idea that garments they purchased new in 1994 are now not only unfashionable but unsavory. In part, our collective reluctance to update our wardrobe proceeds from faulty thinking. Whether applied to clothing or to original research and writing, the academic often thinks, "Hey, if it was good enough to get me tenure, there is no reason to mess with the ideal. I found what fits me. Don't bother me about revising my signature style." This leads to distinguished colleagues looking so remorselessly unattractive as to make one long for the days when scholars wore robes.
I confess. To me, "fashion" is a synonym for "manufacture", style is something you apply to text, and "clothing" is a compound word made up of the roots "clo" (a unit of measurement, being the insulation provided by man's normal everyday clothing and representing approximately the insulation provided by 1/4 in. thickness of wool) and "thing" (The Thing is a 1982 horror film directed by John Carpenter; Thing is a character in the form of a disembodied hand in The Addams Family television and movie series)—that is, it's an ugly or frightening piece of insulation. I have ever aspired to remain true to my understanding of the terms.
I've always been this way. It's been my tradition to highlight my kids' birthdays with silly photos of them, and I kiss the hem of Fortune's elegant robes that my mother is not one to use the web—there are things in her photo albums that would shock the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred sane. She has a picture of me in my 70's hair, wearing a garish paisley print shirt and polyester bell-bottomed slacks…while fishing. And, really, that is not the most heinous abomination in her collection. Someday I must smuggle them out of her house and burn or bury them, lest they fall into unsavory hands and are used to scar the minds of future generations.
I wonder if the reason I became an academic was an unconscious awareness that they are My People. I rejected that blue-collar apprenticeship my father arranged for me because I knew in my heart of hearts that there was no hope that I could ever dress with the savoir faire of a refrigerator repairman.
My wife tries to cope with my handicap. She does most of the clothing shopping for me, because we all know that if I go into the store, I will spend the minimal amount of time to find something in the blandest possible color that most closely approximates the shape of a bag. A bag with pockets—I dimly recognize that pockets are handy things. Unfortunately, she's also limited because she knows that my visual system doesn't register items that don't meet my narrow search criteria. She could fly to Italy, spend a year's salary on a collection of fine Brioni suits, and hang them prominently in my closet, and it would do absolutely no good. She'd find me standing in front of it, whining, "Mary, where's that beige bag-like thing I drape over my torso?"
Now, I know that I'm an extreme case, and that article on academic dress is grossly unfair to the many members of the professoriate who I think look just spiffy. But then again, who am I to judge? I'm a guy who thinks the sheen of a slug's mucus coat is simply lovely. And these dust-ups between Belle and Will Baude, and Ogged and Belle? They are utterly beyond my ken. I'm like a blind man listening to people argue about what color to paint the wall. They tell me I'm missing something, but I don't know what.
Oh, well. It's for the best that I'm located in a small, remote burg on the edge of nowhere, interacting with the world through the lens of the internet. If any of you ever should happen to encounter my shambling, clumsily swaddled form in the real world, please don't be alarmed, and please don't scream. Pity is more appropriate.
(via Sharleen Mondal)
Academics • Personal • 4 Trackbacks • Other weblogs • Permalink
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Paul, If you don't write a book, you should consider it a personal failure. Your hilarious romps blended with critical dialogue bring to mind Richard Feyman's writing style. You would do well to avail a wider audience to your thoughts.
My amazon.com order awaits!#: Posted by on 09/22 at 10:46 AM -
An angrier, bitterer Feynman perhaps.
About fasion, this essay is largely accurate. Though I can think of a certain physics prof here who's as well-dressed as a European banker, many people in the sciences dress like cretins. Some are so bad it's almost beyond words--when they're young they're wearing Queen Amidala t-shirts, when they get older they think a butt-ugly polo shirt is Dress Casual. On the plus side, it's not hard to look spectacular, next to them.#: Posted by on 09/22 at 11:04 AM -
You're looking at the male side of things mostly when you make these observations. One very interesting thing in student evaluations that I'm familiar with (my late wife was an anthro professor) is that they rarely mention clothing when the teacher is male, but when the teacher is female it's common to see criticisms of the teacher's clothing. This was true for many of the women we talked with, both at UCSC where Nancy taught and elsewhere when we talked with women at conferences.
#: Posted by on 09/22 at 11:38 AM
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She has a picture of me in my 70’s hair, wearing a garish paisley print shirt and polyester bell-bottomed slacks…while fishing. And, really, that is not the most heinous abomination in her collection. Someday I must smuggle them out of her house and burn or bury them, lest they fall into unsavory hands and are used to scar the minds of future generations.
Hmmm. If your children read this blog, they are now well advised on how to avenge themselves for the Embarassing Birthday Pics.#: Posted by Mrs Tilton on 09/22 at 11:40 AM -
Academia is an advantage. You're lucky. In my line of work it's suit & tie, everyday. Stiff, statched white cotton shirts.
Aside from dressing comfortably, you can skirt closer to the edge and take chances.
You wanna have some fun? When it gets colder, say maybe around halloween, if you want to impress or shock your aqquaintences and maybe give them a good scare that you're switching teams, try a solid black turtle neck with solid black pants and shoes. Get a medium-to-dark green sport jacket-maybe with some cross hatching on it-or maybe a dark gray one. Get help at the store on that choice from someone who seems to know what they're doing.
Cool sunglasses with tiny lenses would top it off, as would a hair cut. Should you really be daring, get your eyebrows, ( And my God <i>definitely your nose hairs and ear hair if need be) taken care of ... and maybe a dye job for your hair.
You'll have the Carl Sagan thing going baby!
The good thing about not having any fashion history is it's easy to improve, just for one day.#: Posted by on 09/22 at 12:13 PM -
Mrs Tilton: I know my daughter reads it. But she also knows I can veto her internet access (do you hear that, Skatje? No calling grandma and asking her to mail incriminating photos home!)
QrazyQat: did you have to say that? I've had my appearance criticized in my student evaluations, and I'm a guy.
Steve: Moi? Angry, bitter?
Noname: Comparing me to Feynman is just going to make me tense up with anxiety. Set the bar lower, please! -
The truth is, sartorially-challenged academics don’t live in the place where fashion is oh-so-important because they can’t be bothered.
If you're talking about people, the real stuff is not on the surface, but inside. The real beauty is in MINDS. Fashion is just window dressing.
If you’re talking about the rest of the world, the real stuff is not in the domain of the merely-human, but Out There. The real beauty is in IDEAS. The facts, the mechanisms, the inner workings of a universe full of fascinating things.
Kidding aside, a focus on looks and appearance is not just superficial, but painfully, anally, self-involved.
Kidding aside, that’s why people like Dr. Myers are such gems. Because he cares about Real Things. -
I've always tried to justify my lack of fashion acumen in terms of the futility of it all- I mean, doesn't fashion MEAN things that are only popular for a short time, and only popular in light of their own popularity, becoming less and less fashionable the more the trend disseminates? Anyway, the excuse that I'm just a closet (no pun intended) academic works much better. Thank you for handing me a way to continue to wear tee-shirt and jeans everywhere and get a haircut about once a quarter.
#: Posted by on 09/22 at 12:53 PM
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Actually, I thought you made a dashing pirate.... maybe you ought to try wearing the hat and eyepatch to class.
In my field it might be illustrative of the dangers of unprotected solar observing......#: Posted by on 09/22 at 01:03 PM - Here is my theory of academic fashion, which I stole from my graduate advisor, who stole it from his graduate advisor, who... you get the point. You can always tell when an academic got his or her first faculty position by the clothes he or she wears. Why, you ask? Because when you go from graduate/post-doc to faculty, you have a sudden influx of money (it's not Bill Gates money, but compared to your graduate salary, it might as well be the New York State Lottery jackpot). So you go out and you buy a bunch of new clothes (sometimes a whole new wardrobe). Then, you wear those clothes for the next 15-20 years, buying new clothes only when absolutely necessary (say your spouse throws out your vintage 1977 leisure suit). Thus, the reason academics dress so... idiosyncratically is that their clothes often go back a decade or more. Also, when you haven't bought clothes in that long a period, some of the parts of matching pairs are going to die, while the others don't, so you're going to have all sorts of mismatched outfits remaining.
- To see what you'd be facing if you were female, PZ, just multiply that fashion criticism many times.
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Kidding aside, a focus on looks and appearance is not just superficial, but painfully, anally, self-involved.
Aesthetics are not worthless.#: Posted by on 09/23 at 02:12 PM -
PZ - your descriptions remind me of a certain friend of mine -- great guy, but with the fashion sense of a "stimulate your child's visual cortex" crinkle toy. Hee.
I'm not in the sciences (was in history), and I'm female, but I have to say that when fashion trends favor comfortable clothes that make ME look good, I wear fashionable clothes. When they don't, I don't -- simple as that. Screw following the herd, anyway.
Oh, plus I'm cheap and hate logos, so I tend to buy clothes that don't date quite so easily as some.
I don't quite buy the "academics have no fashion sense" argument -- it's more like "academia allows people to wear unfashionable clothing without career death ensuing."
I did use to long for the days when black gowns were de rigor! - Yeah, I know fellow academics who I think look pretty sharp. This article is really about poor, pathetic me.
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Aw, heck, embrace the frump! (Or whatever the male equivalent is.)
(Actually, to judge by your photo, you look fine. Trust me, I've seen faaaaar worse. Plaid on plaid with stripes worse.)