PZ Myers. 2005 Nov 28. The ladies already knew about our lack, of course. <http://pharyngula.org/index/weblog/the_ladies_already_knew_about_our_lack_of_course/>. Accessed 2008 Dec 04.

Posted on M00o93H7pQ09L8X1t49cHY01Z5j4TT91fGfr on Monday, November 28, 2005

The ladies already knew about our lack, of course

This comment on the Panda's Thumb leads to a very interesting entry on OMIM, the database of human genetic characters. We're missing something.

OS PENIS, CONGENITAL ABSENCE OF

Deletion of the gulonolactone oxidase gene on 8p21 is a genetic disease that affects 100% of humans. Lack of the enzyme causes severe connective tissue disease and makes humans dependent upon dietary supplements of ascorbic acid; see 240400. Gilbert and Zevit (2001) pointed out that another genetic condition, affecting 100% of human males, is congenital lack of a baculum (os priapi; os penis). Whereas most mammals (including common species such as dogs and mice) and most other primates (except spider monkeys) have a penile bone, human males lack this bone and must rely on fluid hydraulics to maintain erections. The size of the rodent baculum is regulated by the posterior members of the HOXD (142987) set of transcription factors. Gilbert and Zevit (2001) suggested that it was not a costal rib but rather the penile 'rib' or baculum that God removed from Adam to create Eve (Genesis 2:21-23). Genesis also states that 'the Lord God closed up the flesh.' Gilbert and Zevit (2001) suggested that the raphe on the penis and scrotum was thought to be the surgical scar.

I'm a deformed mutant, a pathetic shadow of my bold, upright ancestors. My only consolation is that all you other guys are, too.

Posted by PZ Myers on 11/28 at 05:35 PM
Humor • Science • 0 Trackbacks • Other weblogs • Permalink
  1. This is positively hilarious, and very well put, but I am getting pretty disturbed by the idea that i was, as a member of the gentler sex, ultimately brought forth by an os priapi.

    Maybe "Alas, poor Yorick!" shouldn't be said to a skull...
    #: Posted by Abie  on  11/28  at  06:15 PM
  2. There must be some way to put something back in there. If they can do rings, why not tubes?
    #: Posted by pough  on  11/28  at  06:26 PM
  3. I for one refuse to be intimidated by such an obvious argumentum ad baculum.
    #: Posted by Jim Harrison  on  11/28  at  06:38 PM
  4. Who said scientists had no sense of humor?
    #: Posted by coturnix  on  11/28  at  07:04 PM
  5. Still with funny science, bigger is not always better, so chekc out the study on the incredible shrinking waist!
    #: Posted by coturnix  on  11/28  at  07:23 PM
  6. Heh, my zoology teacher at NAIT had an impressive baculum; borrowed without expectation of return from a seal of some sort. Must have been an elephant seal, since the thing was the size of a baseball bat. He threatened us with a very ignoble death if we missed assignments.
    #: Posted by Left_Wing_Fox  on  11/28  at  07:30 PM
  7. Joseph Campbell wrote about a ritualistic (tribal) penis sub-incision that followed, often by more than a few years, the circumcision of the male initiates. The second incision was considered "a male vagina" underneath the shaft of the penis and I think occured about the age when our own youth are going to keggers. Animus and Anima notwithstanding, there are more undercurrents going on (biologically & psychologically) than are dreamt of in poor Horatio's philosophy.

    Homer Simpson: I wish I had a monkey's paw.

    +++
    #: Posted by MJS  on  11/28  at  07:57 PM
  8. My favorite tribal penis ritual is the one where the glanz is scored with a razor-sharp stone in an asterix shaped pattern so that when the individual is aroused, his penis "flowers."
    #: Posted by  on  11/28  at  08:14 PM
  9. OK OK... I can deal with my fate, but must we bring blades, implants and incisions into it?

    (I helped a woman birth a child, pinched a spurting artery, and adjusted a drainage tube in my abdomen. There is just something about that area...)
    #: Posted by  on  11/28  at  08:18 PM
  10. Hmm... this seems like good fodder for a pornographic gene-therapy, science-fiction, Outer-Limits episode where the "lack" is to be corrected by inserting and activating the necessary gene.
    #: Posted by decrepitoldfool  on  11/28  at  09:57 PM
  11. Some of you might remember me mentinging this last February; I do have a penis bone (many Alaskans do). I keep mine in a drawer in the library. I ran a picture of it (http://johnmckay.blogspot.com/2005/02/of-oosiks-and-blog-traffic-pz-meyers.html) during another discussion of penis evolution. Funny how that subject keeps popping up, so to speak.
    #: Posted by John McKay  on  11/28  at  11:02 PM
  12. What, none of you guys have a baculum? That's weird.
    #: Posted by Chris Clarke  on  11/28  at  11:16 PM
  13. What, all of you guys need a baculum? That's weird.
    #: Posted by coturnix  on  11/28  at  11:20 PM
  14. Human males developed notorious cajolery capabilities to hide their mutated, defective instrument.
    #: Posted by  on  11/28  at  11:27 PM
  15. I don't understand what the biblical reference toward the end of the quote is doing there.
    #: Posted by Alon Levy  on  11/29  at  02:37 AM
  16. An old eBay pal of mine named Jeff used to sell racoon baculums on eBay. Called them "Mountain Men's Toothpicks."

    People on the eBay Q&A board used to send each other goodies, like the homemade caramel popcorn I was once sent, etc... so once when Jeff sent me a baculum I announced on the board that I just got another goody, a funny shaped pretzel from Jeff. Said it was very crunchy but needed more salt.

    That got a number of "ewwwwwwww!"s.

    dunno why I felt the need to mention this.
    #: Posted by  on  11/29  at  04:21 AM
  17. (there was always a lot of jokes about Scott Baculum, too.)
    #: Posted by  on  11/29  at  04:24 AM
  18. At least that means we cannot break our penis; can you imagine having a broken [enis bone?
    #: Posted by Martin Wisse  on  11/29  at  05:25 AM
  19. can you imagine having a broken penis bone?

    Ow. Just ow. Thanks for mentioning it. NOT! wink
    #: Posted by  on  11/29  at  05:39 AM
  20. Baculi are useful. Prof. Mani implanted an inflatable one in King Fahd of Saudia. Soon afterwards he was named President of Tel Aviv University.
    #: Posted by  on  11/29  at  05:40 AM
  21. Mani, not the king.
    #: Posted by  on  11/29  at  05:42 AM
  22. "This bone aids in copulation when mates have only a short encounter and need to perform quickly."

    So now I know why we don't want it and don't need it. For a moment there I felt like I got the short end of the stick.
    #: Posted by  on  11/29  at  07:25 AM
  23. Do animals whose males have a baculum have females with a clitoris? If so, do those have a baculum too?
    #: Posted by Keith Douglas  on  11/29  at  10:16 AM
  24. At least that means we cannot break our penis...


    As I understand it, you can break the hydraulic chambers in the human penis, which is quite painful and produces a sometimes quite severe bend in the organ.
    #: Posted by  on  11/29  at  10:49 AM
  25. "This bone aids in copulation when mates have only a short encounter and need to perform quickly."

    Hmmmm. Maybe I... uhhh... some guys have a bone like that.
    #: Posted by Gen. JC Christian, patriot  on  11/30  at  12:37 AM
  26. most other primates (except spider monkeys) have a penile bone


    http://www.uvm.edu/~jdecher/Lecture18.html

    doesn't sound like we're so terribly deprived. chimps' baculum is only about 1cm (<1/2 inch) long in a 3 inch penis. it's hardly worth mentioning and i doubt it's of any significant utility.

    (websearch "chimp penis size" for info.)

    and since gorillas and orangs have penises about and inch and a half long and about the diameter of a pencil when erect, who's to be impressed?

    we rely on hydraulics rather bone, but compared to other apes, even the most average of us can walk with our heads held high!
    #: Posted by  on  11/30  at  04:15 AM
  27. I would guess that our penises are proportionally larger than our brains relative to those of our ape relatives, huh? Hmm, that explains a lot.
    #: Posted by  on  11/30  at  12:02 PM
  28. It is true that you can fracture your penis.

    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health
    /penis-fracture/AN01217

    I have heard rumor that they splint it with tongue depressors.

    Sorry about having to split the link but I was not allowed to post with the link complete.
    #: Posted by  on  11/30  at  02:53 PM
  29. Kerry: "I have heard rumor that they splint it with tongue depressors."

    --- if the quacks at the Mayo clinic fix a broken dick with a tongue depressor, remind me never to go there to have my sore throat checked.

    Came from the General's, stayed for the snark.
    #: Posted by  on  11/30  at  07:39 PM
  30. Is it Kosher to engage a lady as a splint, if I've broken my baculum? Just wonderin'...
    #: Posted by The Lord High Executioner  on  12/01  at  03:28 PM
  31. "the short end of the stick"

    Hehe. I get it.
    I mean, wait, no I don't!
    #: Posted by  on  12/01  at  09:27 PM